Chapter One

Ps 77:11,12 I will remember the deeds of the Lord, yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

The journey begins…

I met Steve at the King David hotel in Jerusalem, March -83, where he was the pianoplayer. My first impressions of him were: he was cultured and had delicate hands, he was very intense in an attentive way and definitely warm, he was charming and had charisma and really looked at you, he was dignified and friendly and very social and he paid attention to me for sure.

Soon after meeting we went out on dates and I saw some downsides as well. This sweet Jewish man, a strong believer had a dark past and he told me about it on our first date as I told him about my past. I was 21 and he 31. We both had survived many hurts in past relationships and had many needs and insecurities. He had a lot going for him and in spite some of the painful circumstances the relationship looked promising. He had a good job and made good money and LOVED playing and singing.

He made it seem so worthwhile to hook up and I saw how the call on my life could be fulfilled with this man.

Now, as I look back there were some signs, subtlest ones, of illness like anger, being very needy, jealous and talking fake spiritual nonsense. I had no clue what inner turmoil he was suffering as he endured untreated bipolar or manic- depression, a serious mental illness.

He shared with me about being on drugs in the past and how he had been in a mental hospital twice for quite some time. All I could think was that he had now been restored and was feeling fine. Steve has a family with indications of "trouble" but I did not meet any of them for another two years when we first visited America. I had no understanding of mental illness whatsoever.

When I first came to Jerusalem, I was very excited to pray at the Western Wall. (Wailing Wall- a part of the second temple where many Jews pray daily.)

I wrote down my prayer requests on a little note and pushed it between the big stones in the wall. There are always hundreds of little notes there with prayers on them. My prayer was" I want a Jewish believer, pianist , American, Israeli and I wanted a Bat Zion, a daughter of ours born in Zion."

It didn't take long for it all to happen.

Nine years later on a short visit to Jerusalem, I stood there again, stripped of everything I had worked so hard to keep. I lived in Sweden and Steve in the US. We were divorced and Steve was in bed depressed at his mother's house. I was a single mom, divorced and I had given up all of my dreams. Nevertheless I added a new note that said" God, as you first gave me what I asked for can you return it to me? " More on that later.


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